Self-Care Is Not Selfish: But Necessary – Why Is That?
Self-Care Is Not Selfish, Self-care is essential for our well-being. But why can this concept make us feel guilty and guilty? How can we improve our self-care?
The idea of self-care is widespread and popular. But taking care of ourselves also means putting yourself first. And that’s easier said than done. Because if we do that, we may feel guilty and ashamed.
1. Self Care and Feelings of Guilt: Our Values
Depending on your age, social, religious background, and values, putting others first can be an important cornerstone of your culture. I do not have a problem with that. I was raised that way too. Selflessness and social conscience are valuable and important.
What I have struggled with, like maybe you, is learning to self-care.
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I was too busy taking care of others, including many who didn’t need my help, and overlooked my own needs.
I believed that the social code I followed would also take care of me. Unfortunately, it wasn’t like that.
Nor did it mean that a good person would be treated well in return. As naive as it sounds now, that penny didn’t fall until much later in my life.
If this applies to you too, then you may know the discomfort we can feel when we put ourselves first (Self-Care Is Not Selfish).
Why Self-Care Is Not Selfish? Because we may be judged by others (and ourselves?) As selfish, arrogant and anti-social?
Putting ourselves first can make us feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, guilty, and shy.
2. What we do for love
Depending on our upbringing, we may also have developed the belief that love, praise, and appreciation are related to the care we show for others.
And often, despite all the care we show, we don’t get the love we need. So we try harder – more and more. And yet it is not enough and we are (apparently!) Not good enough.
And so we put others first in hopes of being loved and recognized (in relationships, at work, etc.).
And so we consciously or unconsciously link love and positive appreciation with conditions: “If I do” x “, I get to love.” But that works badly.
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True love is unconditional.
Believing that we are not ‘lovable’ is one of the most harmful falsehoods that can ruin our lives.
Therefore, many of us find it easier to give compliments to others than to accept them from others.
3. The moment of awakening (Self-Care Is Not Selfish)
In the long run, too much care for others at the expense of our own needs can disappoint, embitter, anger, and make us uncomfortable. (Self-Care Is Not Selfish)
And at some point in our lives we will wake up and find how one-sided this caring business has become.
And then we must also realize that we were complicit (if for the best of reasons and with the best of intentions).
If we always do things for others, when will they learn to be independent?
When will they find that it is necessary to change their attitudes towards us and human relationships?
4. Self-care can lead to conflict
We may also fear that self-care can lead to conflict with others, especially those who are used to putting them first.
If we deprive others of their attention, time, and resources, they will notice and respond. And I include myself there!
What one should hope for is the other us
- asks for an explanation and then thinks about it;
- do not immediately judge and accuse and label ourselves as ‘selfish’;
- supports our needs. Maybe with a little pout and grumbling.
5. The ability to care for yourself (Self-Care Is Not Selfish)
Learning to put yourself first means:
- Say ‘no’.
- Be consistent.
- Asking others for help.
- Allowing others to take responsibility for their own lives.
- Self-Care Is Not Selfish put in mind.
If we are not used to this self-care, it can take a while to get used to attuning to our body, mind and emotions. Because they let us know what we need.
It can take a while to learn to trust our intuition and judgment.
Because perhaps we have not made enough use of this beautiful, complex, clever and so valuable internal mechanism that gives us life orientation.
Don’t get discouraged if it takes a while. Nothing is a waste, everything benefits you!
6. It’s not about competition (Self-Care Is Not Selfish)
Self-care does not have to preclude caring for someone else. A healthy balance can be achieved.
And there can be moments when we choose to sacrifice our own needs for those of another. However, this cannot become a permanent condition.
Self-care is not selfish. It is responsible behavior towards ourselves and others.