Lack of confidence can limit all the potential you have and becomes an obstacle to achieving what you want. But the good news is that stopping your fear and gaining more confidence is a learned and trained skill (there is scientific evidence behind this).
So if you want to feel more secure or sure of yourself, here is a step that will take only 2 minutes and an additional emergency strategy. So keep reading why this interests you.
“Gaining confidence is fun. You go out to do that thing that scares you so much and confidence comes by itself “
Raise your hand if you agree that being healthy is a complete lifestyle and not just certain parts of your routine.
Having more confidence in yourself is part of your well-being, your satisfaction with life and it becomes necessary to improve your daily routine.
That simple
So I want to start by asking you a question:
When was the last time you were afraid of not being able to accomplish something?
(Take your time to think, I’ll wait for you here)
Lack of self-confidence is undoubtedly related to fear . In the end, if you don’t believe in yourself, you feel afraid that you cannot achieve what you set out to do and you don’t even try.
This type of fear can be experienced when you want to change your habits .
I have always thought that feeling fear and lack of confidence in you is something like crossing a bridge:
You are determined to cross, but for some reason you feel that you cannot get to the other end. So, you prefer to stay on that safe and comfortable shore (which you already know).
And thus, avoid the risk or simply save yourself the discomfort of perhaps not being able to achieve it.
One of the things that more than once prevented me from taking action and achieving my goals was precisely the fear of failure .
I didn’t think I could accomplish most of the things I wanted to do.
Answering the question from the beginning; in my case, I have felt fear thousands of times. For example:
- I wanted to be a tennis player (I was old enough to learn it) and I was afraid of not being able to win a single game
- I wanted to study in another country, and I was afraid of the unknown and failing in the attempt.
- I wanted to learn another language (German) and felt insecure that I would look ridiculous trying to speak
In all those moments, I definitely needed an extra dose of confidence in myself. The good news was that I faced all those fears and managed to do everything that I thought I could not do.
Maybe the same thing has happened to you in similar situations too.
Sometimes even for very common things we feel insecure. For example: a haircut, traveling or visiting a new place, learning something, dancing or approaching someone and saying hello .
Let me tell you that being scared is normal. It is even natural in humans.
This is how our caveman ancestors managed to pass on their genes. It took great caution to survive. His actions were limited, and so was his “comfort” zone.
It is curious to see how our ” comfort zone ” expands as we move further away by taking action and becomes smaller the less we move.
The key question: How to overcome that fear? How can you feel more confident about yourself?
Let me tell you that getting more confident is a skill that can be trained . Right away I will tell you one of the best techniques to achieve it.
But first, I want you to know where that lack of confidence comes from.
Why do we feel lack of confidence in ourselves?
Many are the reasons that can explain it. Here are just 2 of the most common:
1- Your thoughts are negative
These negative thoughts come from past experiences . They are part of a survival mechanism.
But, many times this works against us. It leads us to focus on the fears, instead of focusing on our plans to get what we want . They also make us not show confidence in ourselves.
Coming back to the topic, I think the lack of confidence gets worse when you don’t try.
Let me explain better: it is not failure that is destroying your confidence, it is not trying again.
It is not failure that is destroying your confidence, it is not trying again …
Something that has worked for me personally is trying to put that failure in perspective.
Think about this: if you know that does not work then you can give another chance and discover other works .
This can be applied to anything in life.
For example:
Did you know that baseball players with the highest home run records (best plays) also have the highest strikeout records (worst plays)
But, negative thoughts aren’t the only reason for your lack of confidence.
It also has to do with what you expect of yourself (and others), which brings us to the next point.
2- Your expectations are pessimistic
It seems normal to have the expectation that everything will go wrong, because only then will you not be disappointed if you fail and will have a pleasant surprise if you succeed.
But, this logic is NOT the best way to deal with insecurity.
Research suggests that pessimism minimizes your performance . Creating that you actually achieve bad results.
When you think something is going to go wrong, your performance decreases
But this is not all, here comes the worst …
We not only think of insecurity (fear), but we also express it .
Insecurity expresses itself in your daily life without realizing it
Imagine that you just won a race. Surely your arms will be fully extended trying to occupy more space and demonstrate the great triumph.
Or, conversely, imagine that you are in a meeting with your bored boss. Your posture shows that you don’t want to be there. You are hunched over in your chair with your arms crossed.
Your lack of confidence is not only felt but also seen and demonstrated
Did you know that 70% of the elections of any candidate are influenced by their facial expressions? 3
Yeah, maybe you voted for your president just because he has a cute smile or a funny duck-named hairstyle.
Not only that, posture and our facial expressions have an impact on our mind and body.
Stay with me because from here on it gets more interesting …
A great Harvard researcher conducted a great experiment.4 He asked (at random) 42 participants to be in a winning stance or a losing stance for 2 minutes. But, before and after a saliva sample was taken
The results were shocking:
People who had a posture of triumph or joy reported feeling more confident in themselves. In other words, there is a link between positions of triumph and feelings of power.
However, new reviews of the article have shown that there is NO effect on cortisol (stress-related hormone) levels. 6
When we feel stress, our confidence decreases because we are in “defense mode” ready to flee or attack.
But, even though the results do not show an objective change in cortisol levels, I am convinced that psychologically you feel more personal confidence.
But things don’t end there.
The same researcher carried out a second experiment 7 In this one, he asked some participants (at random) to hold a trump pose for 2 minutes. After that time, all participants (even those who did not hold the trump pose) were interviewed.
Interestingly, the participants who passed the interview and were selected were those who had the position of triumph before.
The effect was not only subjective but also measurable. Perhaps, posture per se doesn’t trigger hormonal cascades or positive events, but posture has the power to trick your brain into relaxing (like a placebo effect).
And a relaxed brain helps you face your fears and gain confidence in yourself.
Take control and practice self-confidence today
I believe that we can and should all do something to increase our confidence. Only in this way will we be able to break that barrier of fear and start taking action to improve our lifestyle.
It is not genetic, and you do not have to depend on others to increase your confidence. If you think that you are not very competent, intelligent, attractive, etc … it is something that you can change starting today.
Having more confidence in yourself automatically increases our levels of self-esteem
This does not mean that we have to pretend something that we are not. But it is our thoughts and our bodily attitude that can change our mind and the way we see ourselves.
And, as you already know, your attitude and body language also influence how others see you (because it shows more or less confidence in yourself)
You do not believe me?
Remember the posture of superheroes like Batman or Superman …. It’s a powerful posture that inspires confidence, security, strength, and courage, right?
It is precisely what you have to start doing from now on to have the confidence of a superhero.
This is what you have to do to train your confidence:
This simple action can trigger positive changes in how you feel, what you think of yourself, and how others see you.
Putting this simple action into practice can be every day as part of your morning routine, or even before an important event (I guarantee it will give you more confidence when speaking) .
Here are some ways to practice the trump posture:
- Before leaving home I will open my arms as if I had won a marathon
- In the elevator when I get to work I will take the pose of a superhero with my hands on my waist
- Before I start the car I’ll jump like a celebration of triumph
- After showering I will stretch trying to occupy all the available space
- At my desk before a meeting or an important exam I stretch my arms to feel comfortable and secure
- Before a date with that special someone I will take the pose of superman
Trust me, this superhero pose or triumph pose does work.
I am a witness of its effect, I tell you:
I recently had a conference and I’m not lying to you, my legs were shaking, my hands felt damp, my mouth was dry and my heart was racing.
To be honest, I was terrified of not being able to speak properly in public.
I went to the bathroom and took a superhero pose (luckily no one saw me). The nerves did not diminish, but I felt more confident facing the public.
After all, the conference turned out better than I expected. That pleasant experience is already stored in my brain as positive and the next time I am in a similar situation my confidence will be greater.
I was more confident in minutes!
So now you know what you have to do: every day or before an important event for you, hold for 2 minutes a posture that makes you feel powerful.
Leave fear behind and put this simple strategy into practice today.
Well you’re right …
What if you feel the whole combo of insecurity, nerves, and extra great fear even after this triumphant posture?
AHA! Well, there is still something you can do, keep reading …
Emergency strategy when insecurity takes hold of you
Do I have your attention?
Well, what you have to do is change your perspective and interpret that stress, fear, nervousness, or anxiety as “emotion.” Yes, that emotion you feel when the holidays are about to arrive or when your birthday is approaching.
This cognitive trick can be translated from English as: “reappraisal of anxiety” and is simply telling yourself that you feel excited every time you experience the typical symptoms of insecurity.
It sounds stupidly simple, but it has been proven effective in a variety of studies. 8 9 10
This trick works because the anxiety that triggers fear or insecurity and emotion are similar for your body and mind. In both cases, the heart beats faster, cortisol (stress hormone) increases, you feel a knot in your stomach and the muscles tense. The only difference is that the emotion is a positive emotion.
Trick your brain and tell it:
– “Hey, calm down, it’s not lack of confidence, it’s EMOTION” is a way of deceiving him and it automatically relaxes you because you start to have an “opportunity mentality” with a focus on all the good things that can happen, instead of a “mentality of threat ”, which appears when we are afraid and focuses on analyzing all the negative consequences and risks.
So instead of saying, “I am very nervous about this serious threat looming on the horizon,” you have to say, “I am very excited about this serious threat looming on the horizon.”
Interesting right?
Before you go let me ask you this:
Would you like to train your confidence every day? …
If you answered yes with a big smile, this is for you:
Pau Forner is an expert in social skills and in this interview he tells us about his best strategy to gain more confidence in you. You are going to love this episode, don’t miss it.
I leave you with this incredible phrase:
Sometimes the best thing is not to continue being who we are, but who we aspire to be.
-Wonder woman
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